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Effective and ineffective examples of communication between parents and their young children

Using guilt and shame to make the child compliant

One of the biggest lessons everyone learns as a parent is that young children are often uncomfortable with conscious empathy and attention to your needs. They develop gradually as they get older, experiencing parental empathy for themselves. So expecting young children to be able to step into your shoes and see certain things through your eyes is somewhat unreasonable. When a child refuses to follow an instruction, this does not mean that he is "callous", uncaring or indifferent. He is simply, as a child, focused on having pleasure in the here and now, as well as knowing his boundaries and limits, in order to find out what is acceptable to him and what is not.

Most parents are stressed by the multitude of tasks they face, and they often forget to take care of themselves. And if he sees that the child cannot write a work, then it will be a great plus for you to have Essay Help Online & Write My Essay Assistant 24/7 which will help you when there are many tasks to cope with this. Therefore, if children do not want to cooperate, it can lead parents to resentment and resentment. It's important to set aside time and be alone with your feelings, calm down using deep breathing or self-talk - and do this before letting negative emotions splash out and derailing all the interactions you have with your child.

Ineffective example: “I have repeatedly asked you to put your toys in order, so what? Here they are, lying all over the living room floor. Don't you give a damn about everyone? Can't you see that I’m on my feet all day, working tirelessly — for your sake. Now I have to trip over your toys or waste my precious time cleaning them! What's wrong with you, why are you so selfish? "

This parent (mom) is throwing out a lot of negative energy. And while we can all sympathize with her frustration, addressing a child is accusatory and disrespectful. And especially splashes out on the child. To avoid this when your child needs help writing written papers, use to take care of your child. Calling a child “selfish” or implying that something is wrong with him is very harmful. Children internalize these negative labels and begin to see themselves as "not good enough." Insulting, humiliating, or shaming a child can physically shape pathways in the brain in a negative way. Call your child's behavior unacceptable, but your baby should still be cute and attractive in your eyes.

Effective example: “I see that the toys have not yet been put away, and this makes me sad. It is important for me that there is order in the house and that we all can live comfortably in it. Any toys you don't need will need to be sent to sleep in the garage tonight. You can get them back by removing the remaining toys tomorrow. "

This parent explicitly expresses his own feelings and needs without anger or blame. And he shows how to help a child. And if suddenly the child does not know how to write homework, then will help him. It applies a clear, clear, but not overly punitive consequence and gives the child the opportunity to try again tomorrow and succeed in the next attempt. He does not attribute negative motivation to the baby and does not label his personality.

Unwillingness to listen to your children

We all would like to teach our children to respect other people. The best way to do this is to model respectful and caring behavior in our own relationships. This will help the child understand the value of respect and empathy, teach effective communication skills. Listening attentively is often the hardest part for parents because children interrupt us all the time or our mind is preoccupied with many different tasks. In this case, it would be correct to tell the kid: "It is difficult for me to listen to you now, because I am busy preparing dinner, but in ten minutes I will come to you." It is better to postpone the conversation and set aside another time for it than to listen half-heartedly, without enthusiasm or offended. However, remember that it is difficult for children to wait long, they want to be heard sooner!

Ineffective example:The reaction of a parent to a child who says that he scored a goal in football (without looking in the eyes): “Oh, that's good, dear. Now go and play with your sister ... (Mumbling to himself): So ... what temperature should I set for the chicken? "

Effective listening involves non-verbal engagement such as eye contact, communicating our understanding through facial and voice expressions, nodding and pantomime in general, and using words to reflect our understanding of what we hear. This parent teaches his child not to bother him and that the things that are important to the child are not important to him. This means that the baby is likely to feel lonely and not good enough.

Effective example:The reaction of a parent to a child who says that he scored a goal in football. “Did you score a goal ?! Fantastic! I can see that you are very happy and proud of the way you played. I want to hear about how it all happened. "

This parent shows interest and enthusiasm in inviting the toddler to clarify and describe what happened. It effectively resonates with the non-verbal expression of the child's state and reflects his feelings, thereby helping the child to become aware of his own reactions. This type of response makes the child feel important and worthy of attention and care. This type of empathic resonance helps the baby to form better pathways in the brain, including for understanding the meaning and meaning of emotions.

Raising children is a difficult job in which we all make mistakes from time to time. Communicating effectively with our children takes time and energy. We need to become aware of our own feelings and automatic reactions and slow down enough to be able to take a more caring and considerate approach. By guiding children through limitations and consequences, listening carefully and giving them autonomy, we teach them respect.

Be sure to take good care of yourself and take care of yourself so that you always have a lot of energy for your children. You might want to re-prioritize and let things go unchecked. It's worth it, believe me. Children with respectful, busy, and consistent parents learn to regulate their emotions more effectively, understand themselves better, and build more successful relationships with those around them.

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Comments (2)
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